alright, alright. so- family.
we're a group that isn't so much into "sharing emotions." for the most part, we keep everything inside, deal with it ourselves, and that's that.
coming out of the closet.
hard for me, especially hard for my family.
one of my mom's sisters is a social worker, so my mother instantly called her. aunt patty.
my mom later called me, almost in tears, wondering if it was alright for patty to call me up.
"ok" i said with some trepidation. i had never really talked with patty in depth. we all visited her out in washington dc about 10 years prior. but beyond that, i've only had polite interactions with her over family reunions.
so, everyone on both sides of the family are extreme catholic republicans. conservative, anti-gay, etc, etc...the works.
so, patty calls me up, aska how i'm doing, and proceeds to change my life.
we talked for about 2 hours until my battery ran out. and then we talked again soon after.
patty, from a conservative, republican, huge family, broke out and became a beautiful soul.
she's a beautiful woman that has more knowledge of the human soul than anyone i know. she has 2 kids, is divorced, and wields a power known to few people. i feel like i can talk to her about anything.
we had a family reunion over the summer- it was a conglomeration of people- seemingly thousands with more missing than were there- i am finally seen as an adult. but the most stirring part of the reunion was my conversation with patty:
one of the warm nebraska evenings was spent in a small group. suddenly, patty said "brian, let's take a walk." we went up the hill together, as she lit a cigarette, and we chatted about life.
talking to patty is so calming. that's what's so beautiful about her. she's so calm. she calmed me down, and i someday wish to posess that trait of peace. extreme peace.
peace. peaceful.
i could sit here and write for hours about her.
so, about a month ago, my mom called and broke the news that patty just found out that she has cancer, and it's spread to much of her body. the doctor said she has 1-3 years.
and i'm not sure how i feel about it.
i guess it's been in the back of my head since my mom told me.
it's just like....losing a spiritual mentor. she is the only person from the extended family that i've officially talked about being gay to. we've shared so many interesting a deep conversations. something that is oddly lacking in the family.
