yes, that was his name.
imagine: young, bright-eyed brian.
at college orientation.
the one day of "thanks for paying us, here's what you have to look forward to..."
it was an unbelievably sunny day, the clouds and sky were interlocking perfectly to make this one of those days that makes you glad. just glad to be.
my attitude was excited, ready for this adventure.
it was time to change. time to better, time to make a million friends.
out was my high school days, and
in was my search for higher education, for betterment.
my chance to pursue what i love.
so, they herded the group of us all around what seemed like a huge campus.
the day started out alright. a lot of lectures about how to be a freshmen, how to cheer at football games, how to fit into this brilliant new community, how to live away from home, etc, etc...
while walking to our lecture on 'why not to have candles in the dorms', i made a friend,
phillip,
from south dakota who was kind of unsure about his major, but i believe was leaning towards some kind of engineering.
we chatted, we made nice. i think we were both trying to make a new friend, our first in this world known as "college."
phillip seemed extremely nice and we exchanged mutual alarm for our potential roommates. i though "man, if my roommate is someone like this, college will be awesome!"
turns out that our dorms were on completely opposite sides of campus.
but phillip remained someone that i made conversation easily with, and seemed pretty cool.
phillip and i took our math placement test next to each other, and then we separated and went off on some major-specific meetings.
at lunch, i looked for him, but nothing. everyone else seemed to know each other and were talking hurriedly in their groups, so i decided to saddle up to a tall chair on a table by myself, and pray to god that some kind soul would take pity on me and want to meet a new friend as badly as i wanted to.
most of my meal consisted of me sweating and thinking "should i just awkwardly move to one of those full-ish tables?," when some girl from hazen sat down next to me and started grilling me about my life. upon me asking "where is hazen again?" she gave me a blank stare, said "60 miles from your hometown" and afterwards seemed completely disinterested in talking to me. so much for a new friend. where was phillip?
but the rest of the day was spent on mildly interesting games/activities/meetings for both me and my mother getting us "ready" for college. i didn't see phillip for the rest of the day.
over freshmen year, i saw him a few times in the dining center or by the engineering/architecture buildings. we never acknowledged eachother, but a ping of memory came to me as i remembered my first "friend" in college.
as far as i know, i didn't see him throughout sophomore, junior, senior, or super-senior year.
needless to say, it seemed oddly perfect. oddly planned, to have phillip walk into my workplace on my last day of working.
on my last day in my college town.
he was older, a little heavier, and a little scruffy, but it was him, i thought.
it had been 5 years since we talked. and in that time, a world had opened up to me.
to both of us.
he was sending something home to south dakota, and i felt no feeling of recognition from him.
but i was reinforced when i ran his credit card and "phillip ______" came up.
i thought about saying something, but thought that it would have come across as creepy.
but, sitting here, writing this, i regret that decision, days ago, to say nothing.
did he graduate?
what was he doing now?
was he just visiting, or did he live here?
is he still with that girl he was talking about?
did he recognize me at all?
i wanted to know if the years had been as kind and as inspirational and as trying for him as they had been for me. i wanted to know if he had seen as much personal change as i have.
i wanted to talk with my fellow bright-eyed friend from all those years ago and exchange stories from our days at college.
looking back, it seemed like a sign from somewhere else that we should meet that day.
that my first friend from my first day of college should visit me on
my last day of work after my last day of school in my college town as i was getting ready to leave.
oddly perfect.
i suppose that it put the last 5 years into perspective. thinking about our first meeting and thinking about our (supposed) last meeting.
i miss you freshman phillip, i wish we had been better friends.
phillip, my bookends.
