"this is my reprieve" i thought, taking in that precious minute or 2 when i am alone, at peace, not trying to prove myself.
it was a charmed life they lived. weekends at the beach. wednesday night grills across the street with that lovely couple and their 3 kids. on idle saturdays, they loved to sit on the couch together, quietly reading, making small talk every now an again. their dogs and the life they formed were just laying about. it was just them. just them. together. like out of a movie.
this american life never ceases to amaze me. after 3 episodes today, i nearly wanted to just break down crying from how beautiful the program is.
who am i? who do i want to be?
i have arrived at a time in my life that very few people get. to become someone new. someone different. change all that stuff about me that i didn't like, and just like that, wake up and be someone different.
so far, i am different. but i am so much the same.
i am flying solo.
self-sufficient, i believe the movies and advertisements refer to it as. all in all, i'm doing pretty good. i am employed, i live in an amazing place, i have wonderful roommates, and at the end of the day, i am full and warm.
but it is this question of identity that i am currently struggling with.
who am i? what kinds of morals do i have? what kind of drive and motivation do i have? where are my most creative moments, and how to harness them? where am i going? where do i want to be?
so many questions. i just need an all-seeing prophet to come in and give me the answers. because i will try damn near anything, probably stumble for a little bit, and then try to jog before i can run.
truth takes time, i suppose. but what can i do in the meantime? where can i go, who can i meet, and how can i be more proactive?
make your damn decisions, brian.
