Come to me, I’ll be your wishing well
With cigarettes to save you
I’m a little lonely, can’t you tell?
Waiting on your rescue
For all my dreams, all my schemes
There was never anyone to stand next to
So baby, have I got you?
Running round in last place
Trying to keep a steady pace
What I got to give, I give up
Fools and thieves can keep on wishing good luck
I’m calling you to say
That I’m gonna be anywhere you want
Tonight and forever
I’m coming home to take
Take us both apart and put us back like one
And bleed together
I’m calling you to say
That I’m gonna stay wrapped round your heart
Through time and weather
I never live
I never die
Without you
Come around sweet keeper, kiss and tell
So everyone can hear you
Give me heaven with a bit of hell
To be the heavy heart true
For all your tears, all my fears
We were all alone, hiding in the same room
But baby, now I see you
Running round in last place
Trying to keep a steady pace
What I got to give, I give up
Fools and thieves can keep on wishing good luck
I’m calling you to say
That I’m gonna be anywhere you want
Tonight and forever
I’m coming home to take
Take us both apart and put us back like one
And bleed together
I’m calling you to say
That I’m gonna stay wrapped round your heart
Through time and weather
I never live
I never die
Without you
Without you
I’m calling you to say
That I’m gonna be anywhere you want
Tonight and forever
I’m coming home to take
Take us both apart and put us back like one
And bleed together
I’m calling you to say
That I’m gonna stay wrapped round your heart
Through time and weather
I’m calling you to say
That I’m gonna be anywhere you want
Tonight and forever
i suppose that after such heavy lyrics, i should put together a telltale piece of heartbreak known only to precious few.
but no. i haven't really had heartbreak. or love.
just interest and intrigue.
movie: chaos theory. it's mostly about how anything that can go wrong does. at the end of the movie, there is a semi-poignant part about how love seems like the most reckless force in the world, but it is one of the most steady forces in the universe. because love is always present, and we have the power of choice. we can choose to give love, and we can choose to accept love.
it just hit me strongly as i saw there on my friends couch.
i don't find ryan reynolds to be a philosopher.
but he delivered the lines with a wisdom that was spot on. it just got me thinking. thinking about love as a tangible thing that can be given and taken. it got me thinking that maybe love isn't some magical force that is indescribable and comes and goes as it pleases. maybe love is just something else.
and it made me realize that i've been lonely lately. i decided to be single for a long while, and it's proving to be harder than i thought. i was looking forward to being by myself, thinking deep thoughts, getting to know who i am, development of personal identity, and the chance to fully immerse myself in thesis.
but, it ends up that i miss talking to someone everyday. someone that cared about my day and thoughts. and i miss having someone to tell me about their day.
i miss looking forward to seeing them.
to being with them.
but i think i'm better off. i know i'm better off.
it's just harder than i thought. and for some reason, i'm so restless.
i can't make decisions anymore.
i can't think critically.
i am having trouble being motivated.
and i don't know how to crawl out of this seemingly deep hole.
a simple attitude adjustment?
medication? am i ready to be one of the millions medicated americans?
or is it something deeper?
do i need to love myself more? am i just not choosing to put the love i have towards myself?
i feel inferior in so many aspects of my life.
am i ready for the real world?
am i ready for change?
will i finish my thesis?
will i get a job?
or, will i fail? god, i hope not.
so please. bear with me as i figure out my shit.
