who knows.
i adore andrea. she is my light, my happiness, my up when i'm down. my reevaluation.
so there we were, chatting in the kitchen about europe, life, and the past. she kept telling story after story of ridiculous endeavors that were just hilarious in hindsight. every story was followed by another brilliant story that outlined her or her friend's clever acts.
when it hit me: i just don't have stories like this.
and, dangit, i felt so inconsequential. i love andrea, i love what she does, but i just felt so inadequate sitting there.
maybe it's a stupid "high-school-ey" thing to think, but i just need to get out there more, have more fun, get out of my little clean box more. meet people. be ridiculous.
so i went out to the bar tonight. i made a classy dinner with good friends, i had a few beers, and i went out. and i just didn't have fun. typical. i don't know what it is: i'm just not having fun at the bar scene anymore.
"make copies, win races, stay with me, go places."
why? why now? you were so appropriate at the time. not now. and i'm sorry.
i once saw an appropriate quote for my situation.
love is a strong word.
my lone brother joined a "i support equal rights in (state)" group on facebook. and i nearly wept. coming out to him was the hardest. THE hardest. i was so nervous, and unsure of his reaction. he was so wonderful. we got a pack of beer and talked about things. i think that it was harder for him to accept than he let me know, but it was so rewarding to see that on his damn facebook. i guess it makes me swell with gratitude when i see people supporting the cause. my best friend from high school also joined.
it just affects me. it affects me greatly. and i don't know how to tell these people how much they and their actions mean to me. i don't think that i could compose words to express my gratitude for their actions, reactions, and chatting.
in other news, i need an outlet. that isn't thesis. and i need to update more. and make this brilliant.
